


Just The Two Of Us, On Our Way Home

by HeyJudeLetItBe



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, McLennon, Multiple Lives, Tags to be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:13:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27128392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyJudeLetItBe/pseuds/HeyJudeLetItBe
Summary: “Think of my every now and then, my old friend.”~John Lennon“You’ve officially lost it, McCartney. It’s ‘57. June of nineteen fifty seven.” George said, giving Paul a tired look. In fifty seven Paul was only fifteen or possible sixteen depending on what the date was. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but perk up, you’re birthday is next week, and school just finished, we have nothing but time.”All of Paul’s childhood came rushing back, like a dam that had finally broken, his mother’s passing the prior year, his father trying his hardest to provide for Paul and his brother, George always being there when he needed him. The memory of his life, The Beatles, John’s death were fading like taillights of a car disappearing in the night.A rewrite of one of previous ideas I got when I was like.....14. Not my best time but I loved the idea.Basically Paul is given the chance to go back to when he first meets John and get the future with John he’s supposed to have, not the one he got. With a little, or a lot, of help from Linda.
Relationships: Bob Dylan/George Harrison, George Harrison/Paul McCartney, George Harrison/Ringo Starr, John Lennon/Paul McCartney, John Lennon/Stuart Sutcliffe, John Lennon/Yoko Ono, Linda McCartney/Paul McCartney
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. 1: The Bad News Is, You’re Gone

**Author's Note:**

> As always comments are ALWAYS welcome and I love interacting with you guys. All my socials are listed below if you want to reach me and chat or discuss anything and everything. 
> 
> I’m going to try and update every week to two weeks but with each chapter I will post a preview of the next chapter that will also be the summary for the new chapter, if that makes sense. 
> 
> I can’t spell to save my life so I’m sure there were several errors despite my best efforts to reread it 5 times myself then have my best friend read it twice. We don’t catch everything so feel free to point it out so I can correct it ! 
> 
> Snapchat: mak.2k  
> Instagram: heyjude.killerqueen.09  
> TikTok: HeyJudeLetItBe  
> Tumblr: heyjudeletitbe3814 
> 
> Enjoy!!! Tags will be added as we go and any warning will be posted at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> -MK

** 1: The Bad News Is, You’re Gone **

****

**_ You knew how to heal the pain no medicine can fix. And I bless the day I met you, and I thank god that he let you, stay beside me for a moment that lives on. And the good news is I’m better for the time we spent together. And the bad news is...you’re gone.  _ **

**_ _ **

**_ ~You’re Gone. Diamond Rio _ **

Paul had managed to get away from the crying fans, the watchful police, and the questioning press. Here he was, on his knees, sobbing into his hands in front of John Lennon’s closed casket. The body was so perfectly preserved it was hard to believe he was actually dead and not just sleeping. He was missing his glasses, Paul couldn’t help but wonder where they had gone, not that he would have like to see them, but he should have gotten something. 

“J..John, ‘m sorry! If I....I could take your p..place I would. I..it’s gonna be so...so hard without you.” Paul wasn’t sure who exactly he was talking to, John wasn’t here, but maybe he could hear him, maybe he was watching. “You’d really want to take his place?” 

Paul whipped around so quickly he knew that he’d feel it tomorrow morning, the voice was one he often took comfort in, one he turned to when he needed it most. Linda was at Paul’s side in mere moments, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “To save him? Would you give all this up?” She motioned around them, sadly smiling at Paul, who was sniffling into his sleeve. 

“I could give that to you, as a parting gift. If you do things correctly this time, we won’t meet, you’ll have no need for me, and I won’t have a need for you.” She continued, kneeling down beside Paul, gently turning him to face her.

“Why would you do that?” Paul managed to stop crying, looking over Linda’s soft features, her eyes were filled with love and understanding, a look John used to give him before all the LSD. Before Yoko. 

“I was sent to save you, Paul. Your angel with a taste for rock and roll.” She grinned, it was pure joy, the Linda he loved. “I just took a less conventional route to find you. So what’d ya say? Let me help you, Paul. Give you what you were really meant to have.” 

“What about you? Linda I’ll miss you like mad. I love you.” Paul’s voice was breaking now, the thought of loosing Linda was as devastating as loosing John. He felt his heart shatter at having to make such a decision. “Oh, Paul, I love you too. Here.” Paul watched as Linda carefully took off a ring she always wore on her index finger of her left hand. “I’ll always be with you, you won’t forget my memory.” She kissed him gently as she slide the ring in his pinky finger. 

______

___

_

“Will you get up?! You’ve been sleeping for hours, Paul!” He couldn’t quite place the voice but he knew it, very well. His eyelids seemed to be glued together as he stirred and tried to open them. “Hmmm.” He groaned groggily. 

“I know you can’t be that tired, we had a half day today!” Paul finally got his eyelids open, they hung heavy as he sat up, expecting his back to pop or ache but it never came. “G..George?” Paul blinked, there was George, young and looking at him like he’d grown a second head. 

“What the hell kinda dream have you been having? You look positively petrified.” George cocked a half grin, he couldn’t have been older than 14 or 15. “What...what year is it?” Paul asks, running a hand across his face, which is lacking all wrinkles and worry lines he’s acquired over the years. 

“You’ve officially lost it, McCartney. It’s ‘57. June of nineteen fifty seven.” George said, giving Paul a tired look. In fifty seven Paul was only fifteen or possible sixteen depending on what the date was. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but perk up, you’re birthday is next week, and school just finished, we have nothing but time.” 

All of Paul’s childhood came rushing back, like a dam that had finally broken, his mother’s passing the prior year, his father trying his hardest to provide for Paul and his brother, George always being there when he needed him. The memory of his life, The Beatles, John’s death were fading like taillights of a car disappearing in the night. He could hardly remember the timeline of his life, the current timeline of his teenage years in Liverpool taking the forefront. 

‘I’m always with you, Paul.’ Linda’s voice rang through his foggy and cluttered thoughts. He could never forget Linda. “Right. Just a bad dream, Geo, shouldn’t stop us from a great start to summer. So what’s first on the agenda?” 

The weekend was spent preparing for Paul’s birthday, staying up until one in the morning listening to Elvis records and walking around LiverPool without a care in the world. Paul felt free of all the stress of adult life, if he could stay forever in this summer he would. 

Paul’s birthday party was small, he insisted on not having many people and keeping it short. After cake and presents, everyone left, with the exception of George who was staying for a little while longer. They ran upstairs after helping in the clean up, locking themselves away in Paul’s bedroom. “Is it bad that I don’t want to spend two weeks with me grandma?” 

Paul looks up from tuning his new bass and shakes his head “no, George, perfectly sound. I’m sure your parents just want ya out of the house for longer.” George wrinkled his nose and laughed “I don’t want to be around them either.” 

They fell into a comfortable silence for a while, the only sounds were Paul lightly strumming his bass and George flipping through a magazine. “George? Can I have your honest opinion on something?” Paul suddenly asked, looking up at his best friend. 

“Course, Paul. What’s going on?” Paul took a breath before starting “well...I....” 

“George! Your parents are here!” James’ voice rang through the house. “We’ll talk about it when you get back.” Paul said, helping George quickly pack his bag. 

_____

—-

-

“So what are you going to do today, Paul?” James asked at the breakfast table, Mike having already ran down the street to his friends house and James about to leave for work. “Don’t know, yet. I’ll figure it out after I shower.” Paul said, finishing his orange juice. 

“Well alright then. I’ll be home at 6.” Paul locked the door the minute his father left, then quickly ran up to his bathroom, showering and readying himself for the day. Today was the day. July sixth of nineteen fifty seven. John Lennon would be with Stuart and Pete at Saint Peters Church. Paul knew exactly where he was going. 

It was hotter that Paul had remembered, the sun beating down, threatening to melt everything in Liverpool. Paul squinted as he walked down the street, guitar case in hand, struggling to see with the sun shining brightly in his eyes. 

There aren’t many people at the church, at least he swore there were more when he did this the first time around. How many times had he lived this life? How many times had he done this exact thing over? He knew he would never get answers to the questions he had, but they were worth jotting down when he got back home. 

“Stu! Wanna focus, mate?” Paul knew that voice better than he knew anything else, just as harsh as when they had been practicing by themselves and Paul would get distracted by John’s voice, or his eyes, or his smile. Stu had muttered something Paul didn’t quite make to John in response, but Pete Best was the first to notice Paul walking towards them. Having been quite bored by Stuart and John’s bickering. “And who is this?” 

Paul was trying to be more confident this time, to tell John and Pete and Stu exactly who he was and what he wanted but all that came out was “Names Paul. Heard you guys playing, you’re really good.” John took his eyes away from his current bassist whom he had been arguing with and turned to Paul, looking him up and down with a smirk. 

“You Play, Paul?” Pete’s eyes fell to the case Paul is holding in his left hand. “‘S a matter of fact I do.” Paul retorted, John still not speaking to him, only looking him up and down and mutter under his breath to Stu. Paul didn’t remember John and Stuart being that close all those years ago. 

“You’ve got to be...what...fourteen?” John snorted, finally saying something to Paul. This was the John Paul knew, quick witted and sarcastic, always having a comeback ready. “Fifteen actually. But I know I can play better that the whole lot of you.” Paul said matter of factly. 

“Well. Go ‘head then.” John remarked snidely, setting down his guitar and sitting on the edge of the stage. Paul readied himself as the other two joined John, watching him intently. “Not every day somebody stands up to, Lennon.” Stu chuckled at Paul. 

“That’s upside down, mate. And in the wrong hand for that matter.” John watched in disbelief as Paul ignored him, playing the intro to Be-Bop-A-Lula. His rendition was flawless, Stuart and Pete looked impressed, John’s expression was unreadable, even to Paul who prided himself in knowing John better than anyone else, but that was a different life time, Paul knew that in the back of his mind, but a part of his didn’t except it yet. 

“That...was actually impressive. Said your name was Paul, right?” John finally spoke up, standing in front of Paul. The younger boy set his bass in its case and nodded. “Well Paul, I’m John, and this is Pete and Stu. Why don’t you come back to my place with us, we’re having some beers, you’ll even it out.” 

______

——-

—

John and Paul became inseparable, much to the displeasure of Stuart and George, who both felt rather replaced as John and Paul often left them out of things, never on purpose, they just simply got lost in their own world, whomever and whatever was outside of their world, quickly became irrelevant. Nothing outside of each other mattering all that much. Paul was dreading school restarting in September, the weather would grow colder and the time he had to spend with John would decrease tremendously. 

“At least you’ll have, George.” John said the week before the semester began. It was hot that night, even as the sun was setting its lingering heat was strong in the Liverpool air. John and Paul were sitting at the park, tucked away from the world, underneath a large group of trees near the edge of park. 

“I know, we’ll still see each other on weekend, yeah?” Paul squinted up at John in the evening setting sun. John broke out into a grin and nodded “‘course. Don’t think I could go too long without seeing me Paulie. When did your dad want you home?” 

“Twenty minutes.” Paul looked up from his watch with a sigh. “Better get going then. We still have week, don’t be to sad.” 

The walk home was quite and the sun was fully set when they turned down Paul’s street. The feeling in Paul’s gut told him to kiss John before they went back to school, his brain told him to follow his old life as closely as possible, his heart told him to think about it before he went to sleep tonight. “Good night, Paul.”

“Goodnight, John. Safe trip home.” Paul was inside the door quickly, locking up and darting to his bedroom. 

“Paul! Phone for you!” Paul had been on his room since dinner, keeping himself busy as to not linger on his dwindling time with John. He ran down the stairs and took the phone from his did “Thanks.” 

James grunted something about not being on the phone to long before walking off to his room. “‘Ello?” 

“Paul. It’s Stuart. I just wanted to make something clear to you. Once you go back to school, and John has time to come to his senses, you’ll be nothing more than a memory of a summer wasted. I’m here to stay. You’ll be gone as soon as the air turns cold.” 

“Wha...what are you talking about? I’ve done nothing to you.” Paul felt his mouth go a bit dry, this wasn’t how things happened last time. Him and Stu had been friends. “You’ve taken up far to much of MY boyfriends time for my liking. I am making myself perfectly clear when I say this, you will never be able to replace me, I was here long before you and I’ll be here long after.” 


	2. 2: We Should Leave Our Lovers And Run After Each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What was he talking about? Stuart. When he asked if I know about your crush on John?” George brings up his concerns after two blocks of silence. “Is there something going on between you and, John?” 
> 
> They walk a few more steps in silence before Paul answers the question “Geo, I promise there is nothing between me and John, save for a probably ruined friendship.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised I’m back within a week with the second chapter and most of the third finished. Hopefully this one is a bit more revised than the last, but no promises with my dyslexic ass. 
> 
> Only warnings for this chapter are mentions of drinking.
> 
> ‘Till all. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**2: We Should Leave Our Lovers And Run After Each other**

  
  


_**We should leave our lovers, but you’ll never leave your lover. I need you like no other, no I’ll never find another. We should leave our lovers so that we can choose each other.** _ __

_**~Leave You Lover, Echos** _

  
  
  


“John called me last night, asking if you were okay.” George was poking around at his lunch with lackluster enthusiasm, his expression melancholy at best, he didn’t meet Paul’s apologetic eyes. 

“I’m sorry, Geo.” Paul couldn’t think of anything else to say, they were three months into the school year and things had gotten better between himself and Stuart, at the cost of John. They still met as a group, John and Stu, Paul and George and Pete, who was grumpy about being the fifth wheel now, not to say that George and Paul were at item, but they had known each other for years. 

Every time Paul thought of his beloved John, he could hear Linda’s voice in the back of his mind ‘Would you give it all up for him? You made the right choice, Paul. I’m here and I love you.’ It kept Paul in touch with his old life, with how things ended up the first time, he never wanted to lose John like that again. 

“Isn’t he with Stuart? Why is he so worried with you anyway?” Paul felt bad for not telling anyone about Stuart calling him that night, but George wouldn’t have taken it well, and then somebody would have told John and all hell would have broken loose. “We’re friends, Geo.” Paul left it at that as the bell rang. 

“See ya after 6th,” Paul said, smiling softly at George before hurrying off to his class. Maths was never interesting, especially not honors maths with only seven people in the class and a teacher who was older than Paul’s grandfather. 

Paul had his last class of the day with George, their study hall, which usually turned into sleeping or ditching for most students, today it looked like everyone had either left early or didn’t show up at all, because when Paul got there he was the only one in the classroom, save for Geo and the teacher who excused herself to make copies for her other classes tomorrow, trusting George and Paul could handle themselves. 

  
  


You could cut the silence with a knife, it was thick and hung heavy in the air between the two, Paul knew George wanted to say something but was holding back, keeping it to himself. “Paul... can I tell you something?” There it was, the bomb was about to be dropped, Paul didn’t know what his best friend was going to say, but the sinking feeling in his gut told him it wasn’t good. 

“‘Course.” Paul looked up from the book he wasn’t reading, yet had open regardless. “Wanna ditch? Dad’s gone for the weekend, we could go to mine, Mike won’t be home until later.” Paul suggested, looking hopefully at George. Whatever was about to leave George’s mind, Paul figured school wasn’t the best place for it. 

Paul was surprised when George agreed, hastily zipping up his school bag and starting out of the back door. It was easy to get out of the building, the teachers had already stopped enforcing rules on attendance as harsh as the first two weeks. Opting to walk the back road past the park, instead of the bus, the afternoon air was crisp as they walked. “So, what was it you wanted to ask me, mate?” 

  
  


“Well...I’m..I’m not quite sure how to say this.” Paul has his back to George as he is unlocking his front door, but he has known George long enough to know he’s blushing bright red, Paul doesn’t turn around yet, instead of stepping through the now open door. George has his hand on Paul’s as he walks through the door, looking up at him with soft brown eyes and a shy smile. Paul is taken aback by George’s lips on his own. 

  
  


Paul isn’t sure when the kiss went from shy and chaste to needy teenagers trying to get what they could when they can. He also isn’t sure who deapened the kiss, and how much longer they could go before having to stop and breathe. Expecting to hear Linda’s voice telling him this wasn’t a good idea, he continues with the kiss when he didn’t, pulling away only to breathe, keeping George close. 

  
  


“We’ll talk about it later,” Paul said before George could get out a proper sentence. Paul tossed his bag on the floor and starting pulling the younger man behind him as he started up the stairs. 

They spent the next hour locked away in Paul’s room, exploring each other as the time passed, stopping only to change the record before losing themselves in each other once more. 

  
  


“Mike will be home soon, want to call your Mum, and see if she’ll let you stay the weekend?” Paul asks, slipping a t-shirt on as he walked to the door. George blushes, looking at the floor as he stands “just gotta run to the bathroom first. I’ll meet you downstairs.” 

  
  


________

  
  


John Lennon, who had blown off seeing his boyfriend for the past two days, who has been unable to get Paul McCartney off mind since the day they met, holds the receiver to his ear, listening to the line ring, praying to anyone that would listen that Paul picks up the phone this time. 

“Hello, McCartney residence.” John breathed a sigh of relief when somebody answered the phone “May I speak to Paul?” There was some shuffling at the other end of the line before “‘Ello?” 

“Paul, who...it’s John....” The line was silent a few moments before more shuffling, John hoped Paul hadn’t hung up, he wasn’t sure what he’d done to upset the bassist but he wanted to resolve it as quickly as possible. “John....hey.” The man in question said finally, his voice sounding soft and hazy. 

  
  


“It’s been a while, Macca. Me and Pete and Stu are having a party tomorrow, maybe you and George want to come by? It’s at mine at about 8 o’clock.” John could hear somebody in the background, saying something he couldn’t make out. “We’d love to.” 

  
  


“Paul? Who was it who picked up the phone?” John knew it wasn’t his place to ask, it wasn’t his place to worry about Paul, it was his place to worry about Stuart, the man he’d been dating since he was sixteen. “George. He’s staying the weekend, and I was in the kitchen, I had him grab it.” 

Paul seemed to spend a lot of time with George, they were probably together, probably had been for a while, John had no right to be upset, he loved Stuart, at least he told himself he did. “Oh, well we look forward to seeing you tomorrow then.” John was quick to hang up the phone. His face falling as he walked to his room, plastering on a smile for Stu who was waiting for him, laying on the bed with a bored look in his eyes and a cigarette between his pink lips. 

  
  


“They’re coming?” He raises an eyebrow at John as he walks through the door that John shuts behind him. “Yeah, now we just have to find somebody for Pete’s lonely ass.” He joked, sitting next to his boyfriend. “Just tell him to bring somebody or don’t complain about being alone all night.” 

  
  


John nodded, eyes grazing over Stu quickly before focusing on the bedspread underneath them. “Something on your mind?” Stuart asks softly, feeling the pain in his heart at the thought of somebody else being on John’s mind, knowing deep down who it was. John shook his head “No, just thinking about the future.” 

  
  


“And who’s in that future? Who do you want to be that future?” Stu probed. “You of course,” John answered without hesitation. 

  
  


________

  
  


Paul had convinced George to go home and change before going to John’s party, agreeing to meet Paul there once he felt himself presentable. It didn’t seem anyone was at John’s house, it was quiet and there were no cars parked anywhere near the home, the only light on was in John’s bedroom window, indicating that only John was here. 

Paul had always been told to show up early with something for the host, so there Paul stood, twenty minutes earlier than the time he was given to be there, a six-pack of beers in his hand, waiting for John to answer the door. “Paul.” John grinned when he opened the door to the young man standing outside with a leather jacket and soft grin. 

  
  


“Was always told to arrive early and never empty-handed.” Paul said, stepping through the door and offering the beer to John. “Would you like one?” John offered, setting four in the fridge and opening two before Paul could even answer. 

  
  


“I’d say Stu and Pete won’t be here for at least an hour, got some time to kill.” John handed off one beer to Paul and sat on the couch, patting the spot next to him “I don’t bite.” He teased “unless provoked or asked.” 

Paul blushed a bright shade of red, taking a drink of the spirit in his hand before sitting next to John. “George was just getting in the shower when I left his house, so he’s at least thirty minutes out.”

  
  


“So...Stu said it seemed like you’ve been avoiding me, any comments on that?” John asked, Paul nearly choked on his drink at John’s words, how could he say that Stuart had called him and told him to leave John alone, he’d never believed Paul over Stu. “Just...busy with school, and my dad’s been on my arse about things lately,” Paul said, and it wasn’t a lie, he had been trying to focus on school. 

  
  


“Paul....you can be honest with me, I know I’m...well a lot to deal with as Mimi puts it. Not the easiest person to get along with, but I really like you Paul, and I just...well I just thought...after this summer....me and you...” Paul stopped pealing at the label on his bottle, looking up at John with doe eyes, John felt himself melt at the expression on Paul’s face, those eyes would get him into a lot of trouble later, he knew it. 

  
  


Paul was pleasantly surprised when John kissed him, it felt just Paul had remembered John’s kisses to have felt, between soft and sweet and longing and needy, the perfect combination. It felt wrong to be kissing John when George was on his way over, George who had confessed his crush on Paul yesterday. John was who he was here to save, so why did this feel so guilty about this. 

When John pulled away both were breathless, panting softly against one another, sharing breath, sharing a tender moment. “John...I...We,” Paul didn’t even want to say it. How could he? Telling John this was wrong, that they were both committed to somebody else, it wouldn’t be fair. Not to George and Stuart. 

“John...as much as I want this, you, what about Stuart? What about George? We’re both committed to other people.” Paul stated softly, feeling his crushing weight of his words hanging heavy in the air around them. 

“I know, I can’t leave him, Paul. He’s been there for everything. My mom, my uncle, everything. It would crush him. I...I don’t know what I thought. I just...I just want you, more than anyone else.” John had tears fresh in his eyes, pulling away from the close proximity of Paul, taking a long drink of his beer. 

  
  


“Don’t cry, John, it’s just not the right time.” Paul knew with certainty that he and John would be together, after all that’s why he’s here, to save John Lennon from the hate and pain the world liked to save specifically for him, now just wasn’t the right time. 

  
  


“You’re surprisingly calm about this, I don’t mean to get emotional, just been a stressful week. Promise this won’t affect our friendship?” John asks, resting his hand on Paul’s knee. “Of course it won’t, John. Nothing can change that.” 

  
  


________

  
  
  


John drank heavily the rest of the night, downing beer after beer in a haste, he left everyone else in the dust with the rate he finished off seven beers.

  
  


Paul watched from a distance as John swayed on his feet when he went to get the stronger drinks from the fridge, fighting the urge to help him when stumbled, letting the one John was committed to taking care of him in his drunken state. He tended to George, well George tended to him, he wasn’t drinking nearly as fast as John but was a close second to the amount of alcohol consumed in the time everyone had been there. 

  
  


George seemed content with his duties as the boyfriend of Paul McCartney, happily helped when Paul wanted more to drink, assisting him when he needed to use the bathroom, and even fetching a dry shirt when Paul spilled a nearly full mixed drink on himself from laughing at something John had said.

  
  


“I propose that we play truth or dare.” Stuart is sitting between John’s legs, absentmindedly playing with the hem of John’s jeans. John looks down at his boyfriend with a surprised expression “bit childish and girly innit?” 

“I think it will be very telling, let’s play,” Pete says, earning a pleasing look from Stuart. “Since this is your grand idea, love, why don’t you start?”

  
  


Paul was far past the point of worrying about what Stuart was up to, instead focusing on the ice that was melting in his drink, watching it was laser focus instead of gazing at John when he laughed or imaging he was the reason for John’s sarcastic comment or that damn smile. So when Stu called his name and asked him a question Paul looked up in surprise, having not heard the question. “Huh?” 

  
  


“Bit dazed and confused aren’t we, Paul? What have you been doing this whole time?” It’s John who’s talking to him now, Paul has to take his attention from his drink and let his eyes fall on John. Despite knowing he would be with John, knowing how this was going to end, he couldn’t escape the feeling that this time was going to be different, something was going to change. 

  
  


“Truth or dare, Paul?” Stuart repeated, eyes glued to Paul as he spoke, a smirk on his lips. “Truth,” Paul answered quickly, just wanted the attention to be off of him, the tension seemed to double when Stuart heard his answer and started thinking of his question. 

  
  


“What’s the real reason you started avoiding John after school started? Something to do with the one attached to your hip?” Stuart grinned at Paul, John looks almost sympathetic, Pete just looks confused. Paul doesn’t chance a glance at George, going back to his ice watching while muttering out “School. Was really busy with school.” Praying Stuart would leave it at that. 

  
  


“I’m sure there is more than that....you’re smart, school shouldn’t be that difficult for you, John tells me that you are wise beyond your years,....”

  
  
  


“I don’t know what your issue is with me, but I am not getting into this with you. Not in front of everyone.” Paul was quick to cut off Stuart’s probing, now standing and looking at the other man. 

  
  


“Well.....I’m gonna leave you four to...whatever this is,” Pete gestures around the four “Stu, call me when you need a ride, Mate.” He is out the door before anyone can comment on his exit. “What the hell is going on, Stuart?!” John looks at his boyfriend with fire in his eyes. 

  
  


“I just asked Paul a question, he’s the one who freaked!” Stuart’s voice was raising steadily, matching John’s angry words. “There was something else Stu and we all know it, so please, share.” 

“I see the way he looks at you, John! I’m no blind! You’ve been head over heels for him since he waltzed into your bloody line of sight! You’re not dating him! You’re dating me! You know that right?” Stuart was crying at this point, his accusing eyes fixed on Paul. “Does George know about your little crush on, John? Hmm?” 

  
  


“Let’s go, George. I’m not going to listen to this.” Paul is on his feet before anything else can be said, hastily pulling George out the door. “What was that all about, Paul? Stuart seems to have a real problem with you.” 

  
  


“I don’t know, he’s drunk and doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Taking his anger with John out on us.” George nodded along as Paul spoke, watching his feet as they walked down the sidewalk, luckily it wasn’t a long way to Paul’s house and with the cool night air, and Stuart getting Paul fired up, the man seemed sober quickly. 

  
  


“What was he talking about? Stuart. When he asked if I know about your crush on John?” George brings up his concerns after two blocks of silence. “Is there something going on between you and, John?” 

  
  


They walk a few more steps in silence before Paul answers the question “Geo, I promise there is nothing between me and John, save for a probably ruined friendship.” 

  
  


_________

  
  


“What is going on between you and Paul? Tell me, tell me so I can get prepare myself.” Stuart had calmed down since George and Paul left, now shaking in John’s arms, who was trying his best to comfort him. 

“Stuart, whatever you have made up in your mind about me and Paul, I promise there is nothing there. We’re nothing more than friends. What do I have to do to prove that?” John’s words some coke out harsh or demanding, they are soft, filled with love and hurt, he’d been so focused on Paul he didn’t see how much he was hurting Stu, even if he was breaking his own heart in the process. 

  
  


“You do need to call and apologize to George and Paul, I don’t want them thinking we hate them or something. Maybe call Pete too, I’m sure we own him an explanation.” Stuart nodded, kissing John’s cheek before padding through the living room to the phone hanging in the kitchen. 

  
  


“.....About everything, Just the alcohol ya know?......Yeah, we’re good, Mate......ok, I’ll see ya in a bit then.” John caught the tail end of the conversation as he entered the kitchen with empty cans and bottles, emptying his arms over the trash can. “Pete coming to get you?” 

  
  


“In about fifteen minutes.” Stu looked over his shoulder as he hung up the phone, meeting John’s eyes with a soft smile. “I love you, ya know?” Stuart went happily into John’s waiting arms. 

  
  


___________

  
  
  
  


“Am I a bad person?” Paul asks, he knows he doesn’t need to talk out loud for Linda to hear him, but it doesn’t feel real if he doesn’t. He manages a soft smile when the sound of her laughter fills his mind. 

“What would make you ask such a thing?” Paul shuttered at the gentle tone of her voice, how understanding she was and always had been, how she always saw the good in Paul when he couldn’t find it himself. “I love George but not the same way I love John, and John is with Stuart and they are happy. How can I do anything to jeopardize that? He deserves to be happy, even if it’s not with me.” 

  
  


“Paul, it’s just going to take some time to realize what he needs. Stuart needs John now, just as you need George. It will work out, trust me.” Paul is about to say something else when the phone rings, startling him out of his thoughts. “Hello?” 

  
  


“Paul? It’s John, I have some news. Can ya come ‘round tomorrow, about ten?” Paul’s heart did flips at the tone of his voice, how happy he sounded. “Course. What’s the news then?” 

  
  


“Stu asked me to marry him.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright alright alright now that that is finished 🥳🤩 
> 
> I’m not 100% on when I’ll have the next chapter out, but it will be within the next week. 
> 
> Happiest of Halloween’s! If you want to check out my costume it will be posted on my Instagram and Snapchat so check those out! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Love ya 🥰 
> 
> Next chapter preview to follow! 
> 
> “Rings coming over for practice today? I haven’t heard from him.” Paul changed the subject before he started crying, that was the last thing anyone needed. “Said he’d be here at four. John is on his way right?” 
> 
> “If Stuart let’s him off his ten foot leash.” Paul huffed. “I believe it will work out. You two are basically made for each other. Anyone can see that.” George laughed, pulling Paul into a side hug. The knock at the door made Paul jump, but he hurried to get it “Coming!” 
> 
> “I don’t see why I don’t have a key yet!” John’s voice rang through the air, the chuckle behind it making Paul smile to himself. “Because Stuart would definitely kill me then.” Paul opened the door. 
> 
> “And we can’t afford to find a new bassist, we just got a drummer.” George added from his spot now on the couch.


	3. Deep Down I Know This Never Works

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I so emotional? No, it’s not a good look, gain some self control. Deep Down I know this never works, but you can lay with me so it doesn’t hurt.   
> ~ Stay With Me, Sam Smith

**Deep Down I Know This Never Works**

**_Why am I so emotional? No, it’s not a good look, gain some self control. Deep Down I know this never works, but you can lay with me so it doesn’t hurt._ **

**_~ Stay With Me, Sam Smith_ **

  
  
  
  
  


More than two years had passed since John and Stuart’s engagement announcement, and nearly everything had changed since then. Pete had left the band, saying it was just too crowded and interwoven for his liking, he remained friends with everyone, but his exit still left them needing a drummer. 

“Did John tell you that Stu is gonna leave the band? Something about John needing to be away from him sometimes to build a healthy relationship.” George and Paul were eating in the late-night hours that faded into the early morning, a weekend trip that was planned last minute to London to see George’s grandmother. 

  
  


The restaurant they were in was small and quiet, only a cook and a waitress, she had been flipping through a magazine when they arrived, she seemed like she hadn’t had a customer all night with how eager she was to tend to them. “Odd, John hadn’t told me anything about that.” Paul muses around a drink of his coffee. “But then again I haven’t seen much of him the past couple of weeks, what with the wedding planning and all.” 

  
  


“Strange he didn’t tell you, with how close you and John are, best mates I’d say.” George teases, kicking Paul playfully under the table, grinning at Paul. “Well, I hope Stuart will be happy as a dutiful househusband.” Paul doesn’t even try to hide the bitter tone in his voice, George is well aware of his boyfriend’s distaste for their bandmates’ fiancé. 

  
  


“Don’t sound too bitter, Paul. You’re not a teenage girl who’s boyfriends left her.” Paul just rolls his eyes and motions for their waitress to bring their check, she smiles, turning away from the cook she was chatting away with and walked over “I’ll get you upfront when you’re ready.” Her accent was heavy laden with Irish ethnicity, her eyes were dark brown and had a sparkle to them as she spoke to Paul, who smiled easily at her. 

  
  


“We're nearly home now, might as well push onward. I’ll drive.” Paul said standing and offering his hand to George, who smiles to himself before letting Paul help him up, taking comfort in Paul’s warm comforting grasp on his hand. The bill was paid and Paul wrapped his jacket tighter around him as the wind nipped at this cheeks. This winter was going to be much colder than the last one. 

  
  


“Are you staying over at mine tonight? Or did you want me to take you home?” Paul was now living on his own now, George would stay over more often than not, and when Geo wasn’t there John was so they could write, much to the dislike of Stuart, who had convinced himself that Paul was trying to steal John away and subsequently kept a tight leash on John. However their relationship worked, Paul gave more power to John. 

“I think I’ll go home, Mum will want to know how Grandma is, she’ll be up all night with questions if I don’t go home and talk to her.” George was looking out the window now, watching the passing outline of trees in the darkness as Paul drove. 

  
  


Paul was right about them being in the final stretch of the drive home because within an hour they were home, and sure enough, George’s mother was standing in the doorway, waving to Paul as he pulled out of the driveway. 

Paul’s house was dark and cold when he finally got the door unlocked. There were a few sheets of papers littering the coffee table, a coffee cup in the sink from the morning they had left, and an open bedroom door exposing the stray clothes on the chair in the corner, the unmade bed, and the empty beer bottle on the nightstand. 

  
  


He hated when he was alone in this place, with Linda only visiting every couple of months now, his father and brother across town, and George still with his parents, he often felt trapped with his thoughts here, thoughts of John, and how it wasn’t fair that Stuart was keeping him away from John. He couldn’t exactly be mad at him, John was engaged to Stu and if it was reversed, Paul wouldn’t exactly be thrilled about John hanging around somebody else that much either. 

  
  


Paul spent more time in the shower than he’d meant to, the hot water turned cold by the time he stepped out into the steam-filled bathroom, he wrapped a towel around his waist, stepping in front of the mirror and running a hand across it, water droplets falling onto the counter as he looked at himself. He looked tired, the bags under his eyes were growling darker each passing week. He knew he needed to sleep, but he couldn’t quiet his mind, thoughts plagued him well into the early morning. 

  
  


“Paul? What are you doing?” It’s Linda, Actually, physically Linda, as he remembers her from the faint memory of his previous life, she looks younger, closer to Paul’s current age, her eyes are soft and her lips are in a sad smile. “H..how…? Can I get dressed before we have this discussion?” Linda nods, walking to the living room. 

  
  


Paul dresses quickly, flannel pajama pants and a shirt he stole from John two years ago when they had gone swimming and Paul left dry clothes at his house, Paul forgot to give it back to him and John never asked. “What’s going on Paul? You’re a mess.” Linda pulls Paul into a soft embrace when he sits on the couch next to her. 

  
  


“I love him, Linda, but he loves him. I don’t...I can’t keep being a late-night call, it’s not fair to George. Why can’t I bring myself to leave him? To forget John and give George what he deserves?” Paul felt tears prick in his eyes but fought them back as best he could. 

  
  


“Why did you start in the first place? Who knows how that could have thrown things off.” Linda didn’t seem mad, she never seemed mad, more hurt than anything else, which made Paul feel worse than he already had. 

  
  


“Being without him was so much worse than getting him for mere moments.” Linda nodded along, wiping the tears that fell down Paul’s cheeks. “All we can do now is wait, Paul, you still have my ring?” 

  
  


“Never take it off.” Paul held up his right hand, the ring catching the light and glistening just as the day it was first bought. “I won’t be around as much as I have been, every couple of years you’ll see me, but we want you to….” Linda was interrupted by the shrill ring of Paul’s phone on the end table “I love you, Paul.” She whispers, kissing his temple before disappearing just as quickly as she had appeared. 

“Hello?” Paul knows who’s on the other end of the line, but even if he didn’t the soft laugh that could be heard gave it away “Well, Well, well, Why are we up so late Macca?” 

  
  


“I could ask the same of you, Johnny.” Paul teases, sitting on the arm of the couch, holding the phone base in one hand and the receiver to his ear in the other. “Stuart is off at his parents this week….” John trailed off, Paul knew what was being insinuated, and as wrong as he knew it was, his heart spoke before his brain could convince him it was a bad idea “Come over, Geo isn’t here. It will be just you and me.” 

  
  


————-

  
  
  


“Do you ever feel bad?” Paul is wrapped in John’s arms, a blanket covering them, trapping their warmth inside, John’s scent filled the sheets, the pillows, every inch of Paul’s bedroom as if he lived there. 

  
  


“Feel bad?” John looks confused at Paul, a playful smile on his face. “Yeah. About Stuart and how you’re going to marry him, but you’re lying here with me.” 

  
  


John’s face fell at Paul’s words, the question that was asked was one he had been pushing out of his mind for months, as long as this had been going on, even before then. Should he break things off with Stuart? Be with Paul? “I think about how I’m hurting him, and hurting you. Makes me feel like an awful person.” 

“John, I wasn’t trying to bring up anything, I just thought of George and how if he knew, it would destroy him. I feel truly awful.” Paul knew he had killed what post sexual bliss that they had with his question, but he didn’t want to feel like the only one in this who was tearing himself apart inside. 

“We could always run away? Just you and me, somewhere far away. Move to America, some tiny town on the coast.” John said, only half kidding, up and leaving everyone and everything in Liverpool didn’t sound all that bad if Paul was with him. 

“The band is just starting to take off, as tempting as your offer is.” Paul teased, poking at John’s chest lightly. “I do have a question to ask ya, Macca.” 

“All ears Johnny, ask away,” Paul said, sitting up and wrapping the blanket around him, leaving John to fend for himself. “You wanker.” John growls as the cold air hits him, scurrying to get another blanket from the end of the bed. “Will you be my best man? At the wedding. It’s in six months.” John looks hopeful at Paul. 

  
  


“‘Course I will. I’d be honored.” Paul was not expecting John to kiss him when he said yes, but he happily accepted the kiss, melting into John. 

  
  
  


_______

————

  
  
  


“Paul? I think we really need to talk about us.” Two months had passed since Paul’s visit from Linda, and his week of John all to himself. George was sitting at the piano, pressing random keys as Paul worked on getting music to fit John’s lyrics. “Of course, Geo.” Paul immediately set down his bass and turned to George. 

  
  


“Paul….I think we should take a break.” Paul felt his heartbreak at the thought of how far he’s pushed George away. “It’s not you, Paul, I promise, I just think...well I know that you’re in love with John, and I know how hard it is for you to watch him marry Stu, but I don’t want this to change our friendship, we’ve known each other forever, and I and Ringo will happily sit with you at the wedding. No Beatle left behind.” 

  
  


They finally found a drummer, finally picked a band name and things were going well, except for Paul’s disaster of a love life. “I’m sorry, Geo, I didn’t love you as you deserved, but the next one will treat you right, I know it,” Paul said, almost a whisper. “You loved me the best you could, which is more than anyone could ask for. I’ll always love you Paul, but...I think we’re better friends. Friends with an interesting past.” 

  
  


“Rings coming over for practice today? I haven’t heard from him.” Paul changed the subject before he started crying, that was the last thing anyone needed. “Said he’d be here at four. John is on his way right?” 

“If Stuart lets him off his ten-foot leash.” Paul huffed. “I believe it will work out. You two are basically made for each other. Anyone can see that.” George laughed, pulling Paul into a side hug. The knock at the door made Paul jump, but he hurried to get it “Coming!” 

  
  


“I don’t see why I don’t have a key yet!” John’s voice rang through the air, the chuckle behind it making Paul smile to himself. “Because Stuart would definitely kill me then.” Paul opened the door. 

  
  


“And we can’t afford to find a new bassist, we just got a drummer,” George added from his spot now on the couch. 

  
  
  
  


“Where is the drummer you speak of?” John asks, leading Paul into the living room and pulling him onto the chair next to where John sat down. George watched them with an amused smirk before answering “should be coming in half an hour. As for me, I think I will use this time to run to the store and get some things, I’ll return.” 

  
  


George was out the door before John and Paul could say anything else. John looks at Paul then at the door “What’s got his knickers in a twist about getting out of here so fast?” 

  
  


Paul feels his throat go dry at the question, as if John is catching onto some huge secret he’s been trying to keep hidden. “Probably just hungry,” Paul says, standing from his chair and going to the Piano. Without much question or interference from John, Paul plays a few notes, the melody catchy, a bit slow but pretty nonetheless. 

_ “Listen, do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell, woah-oh. Closer, let me whisper in your ear. Say those words you long to hear. I’m in love with you.”  _

  
  


“That’s pretty good, might speed it up, a bit less of a love ballad and something everyone can sing along to.” John was next to Paul in an instant, placing his hands over Paul’s, pressing down, creating a harmony that filled the otherwise silent air surrounding them. 

  
  


“I love you….” The words filled the air, they hung heavy around them, and Paul’s heart was in his throat, he couldn’t speak if he tried, he didn’t know what he would say if he could, “John…”

“Let me have this, Paul, let me imagine it’s us planning our wedding and I won’t wake up tomorrow without you beside me.” Paul went willingly into the kiss John pulled him into, Pressing their bodies close together, the world falling away around them, the only thing keeping them tethered to reality was each other. 

  
  


They didn’t hear the door opening, or Ringo gasping as he and George walked in, or the sound of three sets of shoes running out of the house. It was Paul who pulled away first, feeling light-headed from the kiss and how long he had needed to breathe but was too caught up in the moment to bother. “I love you too.” His voice wasn’t above a whisper, his chest still heaving, his eyes fluttering closed, resting his head against John’s shoulder. 

  
  


“If only things were different.” John sighs, kissing Paul’s cheek before the door opens again. Ringo and George walk in, acting as nonchalant as they can muster, for George it’s easy, he knows Paul better than anyone, and knows about the complicated relationship of John and Paul. For Ringo it’s a bit more difficult, he nervously twists one of his rings around his finger and avoids John and Paul’s gaze. 

  
  


“Paul, if I may? A word in the kitchen?” George didn’t wait for yes, walking to the kitchen quickly, Paul nodded to George’s back, fully aware he couldn’t see him, before following. “You two have got to be more careful!” George hissed. 

  
  


“What?” Paul knew deep within himself that George and Ringo had walked in earlier than when John and Paul had first seen them. “Stu was with us when we came back when you and John were mid-kiss I might add. I had Ringo distract him until I could get the door closed. He’s not happy about me leaving you and John alone.” George explains. 

  
  


“John is fully grown and is old enough to make his own decisions,” Paul mutters, rolling his eyes at the mention of John’s future husband. “Stuart is liable to have John Leave the band if you don’t watch it, then all that work for nothing. Just be careful Paul, he’s still getting married.” 

  
  
  


________

______

  
  
  


In any picture, you see of John and Stuart Lennon’s wedding everyone can be seen with bright smiles and red eyes. There were many happy tears shed throughout the ceremony, not only by the couple but their families. 

In any picture that has Paul in it, he can be seen holding a drink, forcing a smile or candid shots of him talking to George and Ringo. A genuine smile is only seen in one picture: where John and Paul are posing cheesily in front of a door on the far wall of the reception hall. 

  
  


“You know you have to make a speech right? Best man duties and all.” John said as he sat next to his fellow Beatles, taking a break from dancing and talking, Stuart was off with Pete, probably smoking outside away from the people gathered to celebrate John and Stuart’s union. 

  
  


“Good thing I have one planned. Whenever you tell me. I’m ready.” Paul agreed, pushing away the thoughts creeping into his mind, he didn’t want to think of how Happy John looked, the undeniable love in his eyes. How happy Stu made him. 

  
  


“Care to dance, Lennon?” Stuart was behind John now, wrapping his arms around John’s shoulders with a grin. “Don’t mind if I do, Lennon.” John cheekily replied, excusing himself from the table and heading to the dance floor after his husband. “The band is pretty go…” Paul didn’t stay to hear the rest of Ringo’s comment, he was out of the building quickly, avoiding everyone before they could question why he’d rushed outside and why he was nearly crying. 

  
  


The air was in between muggy and comfortable, summer turning into fall before their eyes. The clear night sky was a sight to behold, the moon was absent but the stars shone brightly from their places millions of lightyears away from a crying Paul McCartney. “You’ve got to pull yourself together, Paul. He got married twice last time.” Paul muttered to himself. 

  
  


“What are you doing out here all alone? Party is inside.” Paul turned abruptly at the voice of John Winston Lennon, his footsteps grew closer to Paul’s turned back. He quickly rubbed at his eyes, praying that John wouldn’t see him crying. “Macca, you alright mate?” 

  
  


“Yeah, just getting some air, a bit stuffy with the crowd and all.” Paul lite a cigarette, his shaky hands fumbling the lighter. “I don’t buy that, Paul. Why are you really out here, Love?” John sat next to Paul on the concrete bench, placing a hand on the younger man’s shoulder. 

“Not worth bringin’ up, John, it’s your wedding night, go enjoy your husband. Tell everyone I am practicing my best man’s speech.” Paul forced a laugh, relaxing almost instantly at John’s hand on his shoulder. “You know that you’re my number one, Macca. I love you. I wish things were different. I love you and I love him and choosing is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is like choosing between my heart and my soul. He needs me right now.” 

  
  


“I know John, doesn’t make it any easier for me to watch you and him. You are so much happier than I could make you.” Paul takes a long drag of the cigarette between his fingers and exhales the smoke out slowly, watching it as it drifts upward and disappears into the night sky. 

  
  


Pete Best is accompanied by George Harrison and Ringo Starr outside to look for the missing groom and best man, each walks quietly, preoccupied with different tasks, George is smoking a cigarette, Ringo is acting very interested in his drink, and Pete is following the hushed murmurs coming from the darkness in front of them. “.....you.”

  
  


George is praying they don’t find what he fears they will, not on John’s wedding night, Paul knew better than that. George is thankful when they finally get to John and Paul and they are laughing quietly to themselves, which was nothing out of the ordinary, when they were together it was like nobody else was there, a world all their own. George wanted that with somebody, but he put the notion aside when Ringo called “What are you two wankers doing out here? Stu is about to have a fit if you’re not back in there.” 

  
  


“Just helping Paul with his speech,” John says, breaking the intense eye contact he had with Paul to meet Ringo's eyes and flip him the bird for his comment. “Well then come on, I don’t want to be on the warpath of Bride Stu when you’re not back inside in two minutes.” Ringo continues, shaking his head and leading George away “we’ve found them, let’s go get another drink.” 

  
  


“See ya back inside, Mates!” He calls before going wherever Ringo led him. “We’ll catch up with ya, Pete. Just gotta make sure Paul nails the ending.” John shoos Pete away. Turning his attention back to Paul. 

  
  


Pete walks slowly, keeping them in earshot, but just far enough away so it wasn’t obvious he was listening. “I promise Macca, you’re my soulmate, as long as I have you by my side, I can get through anything. Wait for me? Say you’ll wait for me.” 

  
  


“I’d wait a million years, Johnny, even for a day to call you mine,” Paul said, going willingly into the soft embrace. “Let’s get back inside. Stuart already isn’t too fond of me.” 

  
  


_______

———

  
  


“Do you know about John and Paul?” George is sleepily holding the phone to his ear, opting to answer it to get the shrill ringing to go away rather than wait for it to end. 

“Do I what? Who is this?” George’s brain is still asleep but even if he wanted to, he couldn’t recognize the voice on the other end of the line. “It’s Pete. How long have you known about John and Paul? I know that you know. You have to.” 

  
  


“Know about them doing what? It’s….” George squints to see the clock on the wall, sighing “It’s three in the morning. Why are you calling at this hour?” 

  
  


“Just answer the question, George. John and Paul. Declaring their love in the dark outside of the reception hall on John and Stuart’s wedding night. Last week. Ringing any bells?” 

  
  


“Look Pete, I haven’t the faintest idea what you’ve convinced yourself you saw, but I do know that bloody three in the morning isn’t the time to discuss it.” George hung up the phone with that, sighing deeply at how absolutely careless his two friends had been. 

  
  


“Hello?” Paul answered on the first ring, George made a mental note to discuss Paul’s sleeping habits, or lack thereof, tomorrow. “Pete saw you.”

  
  


“Saw me what? When? George, what the hell are you on about?” Paul sounded grumpier than usual like something was already upsetting him, lord only knows what. “He called me ‘bout two minutes ago asking if I knew about you and John’s affair.” 

  
  


The end of the line was silent for a long time, only the fair sound of Paul’s breathing. “What did you tell him?” Paul sounded almost afraid of what George was gonna say. 

  
  


“I told him I had no clue what he was talking about and this time of the morning sure wasn’t the time to discuss it.” 

  
  
  


_________

——

  
  


The minute Paul hung up the phone he nearly fell over, sobs took over his body, his hands covered his face and he sobbed into them. There was nothing left to do but sink to his knees and at least get all his tears out. 

  
  


Paul spent the better half of an hour crying into a pillow on his bedroom floor, Pete knew about him and John, George was now brought further into this than he was ever supposed to, Pete was going to for sure tell Stuart who would take John out of the band at best. He didn’t even want to consider what the worse would be. 

  
  


Paul ignored the phone calls he got that morning, he even went as far as to unplug the phone to avoid it’s shrill ringing the remainder of the day. He called into work before the morning had even fully begun, his boss seemed to be concerned about his well-being because he insisted Paul take at least three days to fully recover from the sickness he was positive Paul had. 

  
  


He didn’t sleep properly that night, not that he really had been at any point the past week. He also couldn’t find it in himself to get up and eat, or shower, or even get off the floor. The only time he convinced himself to get up was to go to the kitchen fridge and get as much alcohol as he could hold. Opting to stay on the couch instead of going all the way back to his bedroom. 

  
  


From there Paul McCartney sat on the couch, bottles of various liquors littering the coffee table, the smell of cigarettes filling the air throughout his apartment, and ignored the world that felt to be collapsing around him. He knew he fucked up and he didn’t even know where to begin to fix it. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter Preview 
> 
> “Keep the tab open.” John said with a half smile, before he walked to the other side of the bar. “.....think I’ll ever get tired of…..” John knew the voice he heard as he walked past the table where two people sat tucked away, empty mugs littering the table, and the smell of beer was strong, saying some might have been spilled prior to John and Stuart’s arrival. 
> 
> “Over here! Here before they get hot.” Stuart called, shaking John from his trance. “Was that Pete?” John sat down and promptly took two large gulps. “Surprised that you noticed Pete...with Paul sitting practically on top of him.” Stuart replied, almost sounding bitter, between drinks. 
> 
> “Are they…?” John couldn’t even summon the correct words, when did Paul suddenly get interested in Pete? When did they start dating? Was that the reason Paul was avoiding John. Haad he even noticed him? “Dating? Hard to say, Pete hasn’t been as open with me as usual.”


	4. 4. Right Here Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So you went on a date with Pete Best and took John Lennon home?” George asks, looking almost tiredly at Paul. “Well, putting it that way…” 
> 
> George knew that Paul was smart, he always did well in school and generally took good care of himself, but right now, Paul McCartney was acting like a true child, he needed someone there to take care of him, but it wasn’t George’s place any longer.

  1. **_Right Here Waiting_**



  
  


**_“Wherever you go, whatever you do. I will be right here waiting for you. Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks. I will be right here waiting for you.”_ **

**_~Right Here Waiting_ **

**_Richard Marx._ **

**_  
_ ** ****

  
  
  
  
  


When The Beatles weren’t playing a gig or practicing for one, Paul and John didn’t see each other often, outside of occasional parties thrown by mutual friends. They were as good as strangers and John hadn’t the slightest indication as to why Paul was suddenly avoiding him like he had the plague. 

  
  


“What’s got you all worked up?” Stuart had done he best to make their very small flat feel like home, and John was grateful for all of his efforts, it wasn’t Stuart’s fault that John just couldn’t seem to smile without Paul in his life, even if it wasn’t a romantic relationship, simply writing music with Paul made it day infinitely better. How could he tell his husband that he was missing the man who he was in love with? 

“Just stress with trying to find a manager and gigs and all, we're really taking off, I think I can get us in the Cavern Club.” Stuart smiled at John’s enthusiasm and how happy he was when he was talking about the music. “I will help in any way I can, Darling.” Stuart kissed John’s cheek before hurrying back to the kitchen to make sure nothing was burning. 

They had a picture perfect life, Stuart had a job during the morning and was home at four every afternoon, he supported John in all his endeavors and was always smiling when they were together. It was such a drastic change from when they were dating to their married life. Stuart was almost too domestic, as if being who he actually was would drive John away. 

  
  


If anybody was to see just how different things were when they got back from their honeymoon, they would be as confused as John was, he found himself still trying to wrap his mind around what had changed Stuart so suddenly. He made a mental note to discuss the matter with Pete. 

“We have a meeting with a possible manager tomorrow after practice, so I might be a bit late coming home.” John says halfway through dinner. Stuart looks up from his plate and smiles at John with a nod “Course, I think I will go see Pete then, Keep myself busy since I am off tomorrow.” 

  
  


“Well, have fun then.” John nodded, picking at the food in front of him. “You want to go out tonight? Go get a drink, we’ve been in the house all week.” 

  
  


“I think we can manage that, sure. Let me go change.” Stuart grinned and went off to their bedroom. John put their plates by the sink, turning off the kitchen light before going back to the couch, grabbing the phone. 

  
  


Of course Paul didn’t answer, and John was growing more worried with each passing day, he only showed up to rehearsals once a week if they were lucky, he didn’t even talk to George. Instead he played, usually staring blankly at the ground, or his lyrics or the wall, but he never joined in on band discussions, or joked around with George, or even looked at John once. 

  
  


“Hello?” George answered on the third ring, George always answered his phone, he was reliable and John knew he could count on the young man to help figure out what was wrong with his darling Paul. 

  
  


“We’re gonna meet for practice early tomorrow, Paul’s house. Eleven thirty.” John informed their guitarist. “You were able to get in touch with Paul? I haven’t heard from him all week.” 

  
  


“No, but what better way to get him to talk then to just show up. You still have a key right?” John was talking faster with each word, who was he trying to hide this conversation from? He thought to himself, he almost didn’t hear George respond with “Yeah. I’ll see ya there mate. Have a good night.” 

  
  


“You ready?” Stuart looks amazing, John falls in love all over again. Stu hasn’t worn his leather jacket in a while, it fits a bit more snug than before, but he fills it out better than ever, it matches wonderfully with his dark jeans and button up white shirt, the tie is bit much, but either way Stuart looks great and John can’t help but stare. “Wanna pick your jaw off the floor, Lennon? You’ve seen me dressed like this before.” 

  
  


“I can’t admire my husband?” John purrs, wrapping his arms around Stuart’s waist and pulling him close. “Let’s get going before I decide to keep you here instead.” 

  
  


_______

____

  
  


The bar was nearly empty given it was a Wednesday night, the bartender looked sleepy and the jukebox was playing something slow and sad, a lone couple swayed on the dance floor, and another was huddled together in the far corner, talking in hushed whispers to themselves. 

“Practically have the place to ourselves.” Stuart said, walking towards the booths against the wall “Order me a beer, I’ll go grab us a table.” 

“Hope you don’t struggle to get one with how busy it is.” John called as Stuart walked away. “Two pints?” John turned to the bartender who looked at John, nodded tiredly and busied himself with making the drinks. 

“Keep the tab open.” John said with a half smile, before he walked to the other side of the bar. “.....think I’ll ever get tired of…..” John knew the voice he heard as he walked past the table where two people sat tucked away, empty mugs littering the table, and the smell of beer was strong, saying some might have been spilled prior to John and Stuart’s arrival. 

  
  


“Over here! Here before they get hot.” Stuart called, shaking John from his trance. “Was that Pete?” John sat down and promptly took two large gulps. “Surprised that you noticed Pete...with Paul sitting practically on top of him.” Stuart replied, almost sounding bitter, between drinks. 

  
  


“Are they…?” John couldn’t even summon the correct words, when did Paul suddenly get interested in Pete? When did they start dating? Was that the reason Paul was avoiding John. Haad he even noticed him? “Dating? Hard to say, Pete hasn’t been as open with me as usual.” 

  
  


“Well if you’re quiet we might be able to hear the conversation.” John whispered, to which Stuart nodded eagerly. 

  
  


“Has anything changed with John? I know he’s been trying to call ya. You should at least give him a chance to explain.” Pete’s voice was soft and caring, as if he was trying to make sure Paul didn’t burst into tears. “It’s just really hard, I know it’s wrong, and he chose Stuart, so I’m giving him space, I’m not his husband.” Paul said, his tone matter of fact. 

  
  


“Going through the same thing with Stuart. It’s like you’re the only one who understands. Makes you great to talk to. And who knows...somewhere along the way I might even start to like ya.” Paul playfully hits Pete’s shoulder, grinning like a fool when Pete leans in and kisses him softly. “This okay?” 

  
  


“More than okay.” Paul replies, pulling Pete in for another kiss. 

  
  


“What did he mean...going through the same thing with Stuart?” John looks at his husband, his expression is unreadable. “How am I supposed to know, Pete doesn’t tell me everything.” Stuart is defensive, his voice rising in attempts to pull John away from why he was questioning Stu and focus more on the fact that Stuart was raising his voice. 

  
  


“What is with the yell….John?” Paul turned around at Stuart’s increase in volume, his eyes big and his smile falling “I mean...John, Stuart, what are you guys doing here?” 

  
  


“Just getting a drink. Paul why have you been avoiding me? Why have you been avoiding George and Ringo? And when did you take interest in Pete?” John took his drink and went to their table, pushing Paul over and sitting next to him. “I’m not….avoiding you, John. I’m giving you the space you need to have a happy marriage.” 

  
  


“There’s more than that. And you...,” John turns to Pete and looks him up and down “What was that about you and Paul being in the same boat when it comes to me and Stu?” 

  
  


“Nothing you need to worry about, Lennon. Back off. Why don’t you worry about your husband whom you left over there?” Pete glared at John, his expression softening when his eyes fell on Stuart, who was now walking towards them, an unhappy expression on his face. “You’ve done it now.” Pete muttered under his breath. 

  
  


“You couldn’t just leave them alone? Stop worrying about Paul McCartney! Do you remember who you married, John? There is no John and Paul!” Stuart crossed his arms and glared at John. He then noticed his close John and Paul sat, how it was almost difficult to tell when one ended and the other began. “And will you two get off each other? Jesus Christ Paul! Back off! How many times do I have to tell you this?! He’s. Not. Yours!” 

  
  


“That’s rich coming from you, Stuart. Given how long you and Pete have been together!” Paul quickly snapped out of his trance, breaking his silence and glaring daggers at Stuart. “And what is that supposed to mean?” 

“You know damn well what it means! Don’t attack me for the exact same thing Pete is doing!” 

  
  


“There is nothing going on between me and Pete. He means nothing to me.” Stuart’s voice was filled with hatred, the poison that filled the air and suffocated them all. Pete looked as if he would cry, looking at Paul for help. “Now there really is nothing. I love you, but it’s clear you don’t love anybody but yourself. Not John, and sure as hell not me. He’s been cheating, John. I’m sorry that you had to find out like this. Paul, I’ll see ya ‘round.”

  
  


“You can have the house to yourself tonight.” John said, unable to think of anything else to say, he had cheated on Stuart, Everyone knew it, he also knew Stuart was never faithful to him, he was always pining after Pete, just as John was always pining after Paul. 

  
  


John was halfway down the street when he finally heard “John!” And felt a soft hand on his shoulder. “I’m really sorry for all that. I didn’t mean to get Stuart upset.” 

  
  


“Not your fault Paul, you were just defending yourself. I know he loves Pete, and he knows I love you. Mimi would have a fit if she knew how well our marriage was working out thus far.” John chuckled bitterly. 

“Need a place to stay tonight? I could use the company anyway.” Paul offers, looking from John to his own feet as he talks. “That would be nice.” 

_______

____

  
  


Paul doesn’t mean to fall asleep on the couch wrapped in John’s arms, he was most certainly trying to end the sex with John, and last night was a good starting point. Just because they weren’t together doesn’t mean they can’t stay up all night talking and laughing. They were friends of course. 

  
  


John stirred but didn’t wake when Paul carefully got up and went to the kitchen to make tea, he might as well use the kitchen sometimes, he admits to only himself that he hasn’t been the best when it came to taking care of himself lately. 

The clock on the living room wall said it was mid-morning, the sky was grey and the smell of rain filled the air, the clouds threatened to spill any moment. ‘Best to let John sleep’ Paul thought to himself as he sat at the kitchen table. 

He was surprised that Stuart hadn’t been calling and searching for his missing husband. Last night left Stuart and John’s relationship on a rocky cliff, and with the meeting with a potential manager, Paul prayed that John would be in the headspace. 

Paul settled on taking a shower and shaving before John woke up, dressing quickly and quietly. The house was as silent as it usually was, but he knew John was there, and that comforted him more than anything else ever would. He could faintly hear his soft snoring on the couch, the rain hitting the window in loud fat drops, the sky cried for lost love and heartbreak, and watered a new beginning, a fresh start. 

Paul startled when he heard the front door opening and shutting softly behind whoever had just entered his flat. Paul grabbed the nearest hard object, which happened to be a soap dish, before walking quietly down the hallway. “George! What the hell are you doing here?!” Paul’s voice was a harsh whisper, trying not to wake a still sleeping John Lennon. 

  
  


“John told me to meet him here at eleven thrirty. Only for him to be passed out on your couch!” George was not trying to keep his voice down. Surprisingly John didn’t even stir. “What the hell happened? I haven’t seen you in a week and a half, not a call, nothing. Paul you’d best have a great explanation!” 

“Quite your damn yelling, George. Come on.” Paul pulled his best friend into the bedroom and shut the door behind him. “Why is John passed out on your couch?” 

“Funny story actually….” Paul says, sitting on the edge of his bed and avoiding George’s eyes. “I was out with Pete last night. Stuart and John walked in,..” 

“Why were you out with Pete?” George interrupted, offering a cigarette to Paul, who shook his head before continuing his story “I’ll get to it later if you’d let me finish.

  
  


“John came over and got into an argument with Pete. Who brought up the fact that Pete and Stu are together. Stuart came over and yelled at me and John walked out. I wasn’t gonna let him walk around all night, I told him he could stay here.” 

  
  


“So you went on a date with Pete Best and took John Lennon home?” George asks, looking almost tiredly at Paul. “Well, putting it that way…” 

George knew that Paul was smart, he always did well in school and generally took good care of himself, but right now, Paul McCartney was acting like a true child, he needed someone there to take care of him, but it wasn’t George’s place any longer. “You need to sort out whatever you’ve got going on, Paul. I won’t always be here to help you.” 

  
  


Paul had heard Linda say the exact same thing to him in a dream. Her memory was starting to fade, the reason he was sent back in the first place was starting to fade. “I’m trying to learn to live without him, and I think if I’m reckless enough he’ll save me. Leave him and come to me. I’m starting to realize that he won’t, and all I can do is love him enough to move on.” 

“Who are we loving enough to leave?” A very sleepy looking John Lennon is standing in the doorway of Paul’s bedroom, boxers and a shirt that was a bit too small, because it in fact belonged to Paul, a sleepy smile on his face as his eyes met Paul’s. “Nothing, Johnny. Go get dressed, have a big day ahead of us.”

“It will be for the best, Paul, he is married. Let him fix his marriage, and if he can’t, then be here when he needs you, and maybe stay away from Stuart and Pete for a while.” 

  
  
  


______   
_______   
_________ 

  
  


Pete Best’s phone had been ringing all night, he could only guess it was Paul or Stuart. Unlikely to be Paul, he ran after John last night. That left Stuart Lennon. The man whom he hand loved since he was fifteen. The man he had set up with John inadvertently all those years ago. He watched him get married and managed to keep it together, watched him move away and become a househusband to John Lennon, who was so obviously infatuated with Paul. Pete was unsure of how Stuart hadn’t noticed when John and Paul had first met. 

A sleepless night faded into an early morning and his phone rang every hour. He finally answered it at seven thirty. “Yeah?” 

“Oh thank God, I have been trying to reach you all night. Pete,... my love….” 

“I am going to stop you right there, Stuart. After last night I am not your anything. Just like you said ‘there is no John and Paul’ which means there is no Stuart and Pete.” Pete had fought off tears for so many years, telling Stuart that they were over was all it took for years of repressed emotions to come flooding out. 

“Pete… don't say that. I love you. So much, Baby. Please? Let me come over, let’s talk this out.” The line was quiet for several seconds before Pete shakily whispered “You have a key.”

Thirty minutes passed before Pete heard the door opening and closing softly. Stuart looked a mess. His hair was going several directions, like he had been running his hands through it for hours, his eyes were red and puffy from crying, his lips plump and red from worrying them. He was sniffling, which led into crying when he saw Pete, who didn’t look much better. “Please… forgive me? I love you.” 

“I love you more than anything.” Pete started, standing from his seat at the kitchen table, meeting Stuart in the center of the room. “Stuart, angel, I think I need to step back. Let you and John work out your relationship. Fix what is broken, fix your love. I love you enough to let you go. Please don’t make this harder than it already is, Love.” 

Stuart was crying harder now, clinging onto Pete’s chest and sobbing into his shoulder. “W..what if, what if… it can’t be fixed?’ 

“Baby. If it doesn’t work out, I will be here when you come back home to me. I will be here waiting for you. You have to promise me that you will try. Please? Try to save what you have with John. Let me help Paul and you work with John.” 

“H..how d..do you know that y..you can help P..Paul?” Stu’s sobbing hand turned into sniffling, he still clung to Pete like he was the only thing keeping his tethered to Earth. “He loves John just as much as I love you. Birds of a feather and all that. He’s waiting for him and I am waiting for you, but now is not the right time. I will be here when you get where you are going.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Title of the chapter based on You’re Gone by Diamond Rio. (Yes it’s country, I’m from Texas and grew up on country music, this song just makes me think of McLennon. ALSO! I do have a playlist of McLennon songs I use when I’m writing if anyone wants it, just let me know, I’m more than happy to share my love for music.) 
> 
> Chapter 2 Preview to follow!!! 
> 
> “They’re coming?” He raises an eyebrow at John as he walks through the door that John shuts behind him. “Yeah, now we just have to find somebody for Pete’s lonely ass.” He joked, sitting next to his boyfriend. “Just tell him to bring somebody or don’t complain about being alone all night.” 
> 
> John nodded, eyes grazing over Stu quickly before focusing on the bedspread underneath them. “Something on your mind?” Stuart asks softly, feeling the pain in his heart at the thought of somebody else being on John’s mind, knowing deep down who it was. John shook his head “No, just thinking about the future.”


End file.
